"Do you have a dollar?" she asked.
I replied, "No I'm broke."
"Broken," he corrected.

Helen told me I looked dead-ish.
Megan asked if I was alive.
Colton called me easy.
Cody told me that I was broken (see above).
Justin told me he was sorry.
Mr. Thomas told me I was blunt. 
Amanda P wonders if I'm ever going to be alright.
Grace tells me that I'm trying my hardest, to not let it get me down.
PJ told me that I'm not alone.
Paige told me that she's a bitch.
Mrs. Reese told me I had no color in my face.
Michael tells me I need a hug.
All of the above hurts my heart. But the sad thing, perhaps they're all right.

Maybe it's just that time of year.
The same time that everyone feels the need to cut their hair.
Perhaps I just get depressed in February.
It could just be my personality. Hm.

one day, i will stop being a huge contradiction to myself and starting being what the Lord has planned for me.
one day, i will have friends who care and live close to watch grey's anatomy with me on Thursday nights.
one day, i will actually believe the things i say.
one day, i will find someone who likes me for me, not what i can offer.
one day, i will fulfill my ultimate potential, whatever that may be.
i'm just not there yet.

Psalm 119: 49-55....Don't forget your promise to me, your servant. I depend on it. When I am hurting, I find comfort in your promise that leads to life. Conceited people sneer at me, but I obey your Law. I find true comfort, LORD, because your laws have stood the test of time. I get furious when evil people turn against your Law. No matter where I am your teachings fill me with songs. Even in the night, I think about you, LORD, and I obey your Law.

   

I really just want to cry.
My friends Michael and Matt got into a wreck; they hit an eighteen wheeler, and apparently lost the fight. Matt broke his nose. Michael was unconcious, and so they put him in a drug-induced coma so he could heal. I really want to go see him and give him support. I sit next to that boy everyday in AP...it will never be the same if he doesn't come back.

On a lighter note, Happy Valentine's Day. Hope yours was great and you got candy instead of diseases. :)

edit
Michael has a ruptured spleen and minor brain damage. Oh Lord. oh lorddddddddddddddddd!

another edit
he's on life support now. they're not sure how much longer he will live.
dear GOD. this is awful.